How can you like the wrong person so much? 🖤
It’s true. 😂
I read somewhere that the problem(s) you spot at the start of a relationship will always be the reason(s) for the relationship coming to an end. I really felt this in my soul. I need to break the cycle, girls. I am always thinking that I am stronger than the problem and I can make it go away because I suppose that’s the kind of person I am. Whatever it is that I’ve wanted in my life, I have gotten. Whether it be through studying, hard work or making a phone call to Mam and Dad 😬😂, whatever it is I have had my sights on, sooner or later it has been mine!
I have taken some time lately to reflect on my choices and patterns when it comes to the opposite sex. I fell into a really sad situation over Christmas and I have been trying to pull myself out of it since… so dating or even speaking to anybody has not been at the forefront of my mind. This cooling off period has been good to me in some ways and bittersweet in others.
Some days, I genuinely feel that my love life is doomed and that the next person who wants in is also doomed. I actually feel sorry for the people who are trying with me 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
If my single time has taught me anything it is that I have become hard work and so is dating me! 😣 I do not treat the right guys right and am attracted to the ones who cannot give me what I want. I am fussy. I am irrational. I make silly decisions. I am all over the place! 🤦🏼♀️
So, some time out has done me good in that I have learnt a lot about myself and the way that I think now. One thing I picked up is that even though my exes have absolutely nothing in common, my pattern of behaviour with them has always been the same.
Let’s have a gander through the EX FILES 🤓
(If you’re new here you’ll need to go back a few blogs to find out more about the ‘Who is Who of Human Nut Sacks’ that is my love life in order to keep up with the numbers and codes 😂)
Today I will be using exhibits 2 and 3! 💩
2: TOXIC LOVE
RED FLAGS: gambled money away, stayed out all weekend, womaniser.
3: SUPERFICIAL LOVE
RED FLAGS: issues with regulating his emotions, emotional baggage and to be honest, just an oddness at times that I couldn’t quite put my finger on!
These red flags appeared at the very start of both relationships… and you guessed it! They were the same reasons for the relationships ending.
So, you’d think the smart thing for me to do when choosing a mate after these two shit storms is to NEVER ignore the red flags again. Right? NAHHHHHH.
T: MAYBE LOVE
RED FLAGS: does not want to commit to you.
Why would you need to get over someone that you never actually dated? 🤔🤯
I have had my fair share of shitty break ups but as I’ve discussed previously, I’ve always sailed through the post break up storm with ease. I left the love of my life (2) and the father of my baby (3) with no real tears or regrets and not once did I ever worry if I was doing the right thing. This made me wonder…
How can someone that you never actually dated compete with those extreme examples of love? ♥️♥️
I’ll tell you how, shall I? Because the guy you never dated never actually hurt you. They never actually let you down. You never actually lost anything when they went away because they never did actually bring anything to the table. Because you, the two of you together, were always a MAYBE. The technicality of being a MAYBE means, you may actually feel hurt or let down by them but you are always reminded that you have no right to feel that way. So you start rationalising their behaviours:
Well, we’re not actually dating so he doesn’t need to contact me whilst he’s out. 😒
Well, we’re not actually dating so you can’t wonder why he hasn’t asked how Baby is while he’s in hospital. 😔
Well, we’re not actually dating so you can’t be mad that he wasn’t there to hold your hand through it all. 😞
Soooo, where does that leave us? Shit street. That’s where.
Now that you’ve mentally hall passed their fuck ups, you have no reason not to like them, ergo, you still want them! 🤯🤬
MATE?!?! Don’t ask me. I don’t get it either.
We were almost but I always knew we weren’t🤦🏼♀️
Bread crumbing is the worst kind of dating tactic to get caught up in…
He almost messaged enough.
He almost reached out to me enough.
He almost cared enough.
He almost liked me enough.
You start to think, “If he wasn’t thinking about me, he wouldn’t send me that. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t remember that. If he didn’t like me, he wouldn’t kiss me like that…” but you never actually KNOW.
It’s cruel! But what’s worse is when you finally do try and move on from them and the MAYBEs kick in.
Maybe I would have met his friends.
Maybe if I was less bonkers.
Maybe we could have made this thing real.
Maybe he can’t move away from his type.
Maybe if I wasn’t a single mam.
The head fuck is only having your half 😒
The hard part is never knowing if he was ever on the same page as you.
The embarrassing part is thinking about the investment and energy you put into trying and then realising that you might have misread every single thing he did or said.
The worst part is accepting the things he didn’t do when you needed him to.
Your half of reality wasn’t reality 😔
This bit sucks dick. If you’re anything like me and keep your dating life private (I know ya’ll are reading about it here😂) but what I mean is, nobody really knows who I’ve been on dates with, who I speak to regularly or when I’ve been seeing somebody for a long time because I keep a lid on things. Not to appear mysterious and sultry (because I’m actually a massive, goofy sharer to the right person/ people) but because I worry that things will go tits up. Again. And I have to then deal with telling people why. Again.
The downside to this is, nobody knows the extent of our situationship, but us. Nobody would understand me feeling like I’ve lost something, but him. There isn’t one person on this earth that knows close to everything about our ‘relationship’ … so I can’t talk about it. To anyone. Nobody knows it happened the way that it did 😂🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
So my reality is in fact, all in my head. 🤯
For the record- at no point in my situationship did I think this person was my soulmate. At no point did I think he would be The One. At no point did I have any desire to make him a permanent fixture in my life… so I honestly don’t understand my fixation here. I just liked him 🤷🏼♀️
Me: Ok. Noted. Thanks hun.
As you’ve probably gathered, I’m still padding my way through figuring out how to put MAYBE LOVE behind me. I do know though, that if you’re in a similar situation (and I can’t believe how many of you lovely people actually are in 2019 🤯) I do know, that you are entitled.
You are entitled to feel sad that whatever it was you shared together is no longer.
You are entitled to miss what you had. Regardless of whether you both felt the same things at the same time or not, it was real. It still happened.
And most importantly, you are entitled to realise that his opinion of you doesn’t mean shit. And his reasons for why he never dated you don’t mean shit either.
So send that psycho text sis, say what you got to say to him, what have you got to lose? Change his name in your phone to ‘Thrush’ and go on that date with his best mate… or better still- give in to his brother! 😂
Then try and figure out how to be done with it all. 😚
Ride the waves with me! And keep sending me your experiences… I love knowing that I’m not the only drama queen around these parts 🙋🏼♀️😂
Thank you, next! 🙋🏼♀️